Baby's Aboard.

This is why I need to get

Hot.

....real soon...

OMG.
OH MY GOD.
YA ALLAH!

Isn't that the most ADORABLE thing you've EVER seen?

I was going to the toilet the other day and then saw all the commotion that was happening in Pika's room

"Eee, kenape anak aku gelap ni?"

"Eh, jangan tunjuk sape-sape, muke die sebijik macam bapak die"

So me being the curious, inquisitive and kepoh person I am, I walked in and asked what was going on.

Apparently, they found a link where you can generate a picture of a baby using your face and another partner.
Yeah, they got the link from Bai's status on YM.
MasyaAllah Bai, isu-isu anak ni selalunya menjadi topik untuk wanita. Tak pela, stress belajar kan :P.

Anyway,
I did mine and this was the result.
And it's a boy :D

At this point, all I want is a baby.

But thinking about how I'm only 19

How I still haven't finished my studies.

And how I don't want to be labelled as menggatal

I'll wait for awhile *and to get hot :D, get married and have a baby the HALAL way :D*

I bet you're all thinking...

WHO'S THE DADDY?

Haha...

I'm-not-gonna-tell-you-ever :)

I hate exams.

OSCE exams are a b**ch.

Today, we finally broke free from all the procrastination, laziness unfortunate circumstances we've been in and went to the university to look at

JARS

*filled with human organs, cringe-worthy formalin and shredding muscles*

Anyway...
Yeah, we (Picka and I, there's no more Faisal in the picture *sob sob*) along with Fikri and his friend from Medic Mesir *who's name I seem to forget, sorry* met up at the university to study the jars.

I was COMPLETELY blank when it came to the lower limb jars.

Oh,how I hate thy feet muscles

Argh, it's no it's totally difficult, but there's just so many muscles, so many origins, so many insertions and so much of me

not giving a crap...

But as long as I pass, and come home...
and get my SLR CAMERA* take note of this oh-dear-parents-who-said-they-would-not-read-my-blog-but-I-know-too-well-that-you're-lying*

I'll be happy.

Hotttttttttttttttt.

It's getting SCORCHING hot.

It literally hurts to be under the sun.

I'm waiting for bathroom to be free so that I can take a shower.

The sun's not the worst thing.

It's the smell.

And no, it's not the donkeys...

It's the PEOPLE.

Seriously..

They have a unique blend of the foulest stench you can ever imagine of...

Think cheese, think feet, think rotting corpse.

All that with a splash of damp, soiled pit stains.

Yes, if you smell that from a mile away...

Welcome to Mansoura :)

Exams.

'Tis the morning before I'm going to library to study.

Finals are in two weeks.

Yeah two.

Ooh, saying that I'm scared is a total understatement.

To say I'm SCARED LIKE HELL probably would be more appropriate.

I'm struggling over Lower Limb, like really struggling and I wanna slap the next person who says

"HEY, LOWER LIMB'S EASIER THAN UPPER LIMB"

Pfft.

Like hell it is.

I have lots to cover and everything in my life right now being in shambles does not help.

On another note...

A few people have been asking me about my last post.

"I don't want you to turn into a religious fanatic"
"I don't think you can tahan wearing the tudung"
"So you're gonna change?"

You know what...

It is a change, but it's a good change

You know what, it's time I take control of my life and prove that my faith has not been lost in a society where social immoralities is a norm overlooked by many.

I'll still be the same me...

Still sarcastic, unafraid to make funny faces in public and an expert in insulting people in the most subtle ways.

Just covered.

Hypocrisy

I really need to get this off my chest.

I have been a hypocrite.

Wearing the hijab when I actually don't
Acting reserved when I'm actually not.
Saying "Allahu Akhbar" instead of my much preffered expression of "OMFG!"

I'm not the demure, sweet and yes-sir type of girl.
Oh no, I'm far from that.
I'm loud, infectious, bubbly, an extrovert, argumentative, sarcastic and basically very very carefree.
I went to a school where religion was not placed as a top priority and that was a life I led for almost ten years.
I've been to concerts but never to religious sermons
I've listened to music but never to nasheeds.
I've showed off my hair and never tried to cover it.
I've called scantily clad women fashionable and fully covered women out of touch.
I've called myself a Muslim and yet I've proved to others otherwise.

I went to a religious class today, held by Ustaz Salman
I was drowsy.
Wait, scratch that.
Make that very drowsy.
Yes, I was very drowsy when I attended the class.
The topics for the day were

'people we are forbidden to marry' and 'prayers during syawal'

I barely stayed awake.
Seriously.

BARELY.

There was a group prayer afterwards, where Ustaz Salman had tried to tell us what if Nabi Muhammad does not recognize us on the Day of Judgement.

This was a man who recognizes all his followers, whether dead or alive

So imagine this, what if, on the Day of Judgement, Nabi Muhammad (PBUH) does not recognize us, supposedly a follower and fellow Muslim.

What is going to happen to us then?

Everybody was in tears, somer tried hard to control any falling drops.

I FELL ASLEEP

Everybody was bawling their eyes out and yet, I sat there quietly.

SLEEPING.

God, I mean

Seriously?

How shallow can I be to fall asleep at time where we are suppose to be thinking of God, of our religion, the only thing that should matter in this life?

For the first time in my life, I felt ashamed for not fulfilling my duties as a Muslim. And it was a simple act, an innocent act of giving in into your needs and yet guilt engulfed like waves of an ocean.

I'm trying, really I am.

I've decided to wear the hijab even if I get back.
I'm ready to face the shock, the fear and God forbid,
The ridicule...
Every journey begins with a single step...
And I better take my first step soon.

He's gone...

He's gone.

From Block A
From Sharie' Rabie'
From Mansoura
From Egypt...

For good.

Faisal pushed off to Cairo at around 11.00 am today and will be heading home to Malaysia tomorrow.

Seriously, it killed me watching that car drive away. Feelings were mixed, mostly sadness but also a little anger, some happiness and bit of hopelessness.

I remember the first day I met Cai, he was our groupmate and he came back with us one day (with pika and I).

My first thoughts were...

"Why is this guy following us?"

Haha, I asked Cai once what was his first impression of me and he said.

"What, are you too rich to talk to me or something?"

Idiot.

Yeah, apparently, I was snobbish to everyone I first meet. Sorry, but that's just me.

I'm really nice.

Really, I am :).

I wrote a letter to Cai, and I think the other girls did too.

Well, was like two pages... it was LONG, HANDWRITTEN letter okay, and Cai typed his in Microsoft Word.

Again, idiot.

Haha, but still, he kinda guessed I would be all... WTF?

Cause he wrote this in his letter.

"xD yeaahhh it’s an “IT letter”. I know what you’re thinking “koaja, aku tulis surat penat2 die type je”

Don't worry, I still love it.

Even if you used your lame ass "I'm dizzy" excuse.

Just so you know, you used the same excuse when Cook Door at the hospital.

Imagine that, a person with shingles ordering fast food from a HOSPITAL.
He was like

"I'm feeling dizzy... *makes face*... I want...Cook Door"

Ish.

I'll miss these moments Cai. Seriously I will.

I remember one time, there was ikan keli at the mat'am and I was walking infront of yor guys cause I wanted the last one fish and you said

"Takpe, biar dia pergi. Budak kan?"

So, I slowed down to seem a little mature when suddenly

WHOOSH!

You ran past me into the mat'am.

And when I got there, you were holding up the last piece of fish...

You cheated!

And I remember one time, I wanted to just accompany Baby to your house so that you, Baby and Arif can go to souq together and she dragged me along.

Me, with my baby blue pants, no hijab and did not shower followed you guys like a dumbass

With all the Dirasat folk staring at me like I was the Anti-Christ.

Thanks Baby.

Take care Cai.

I'll miss you like mad.
It's be really hard, I'm telling you the truth.
But we'll cope.
There's no way I'm gonna admit defeat.

I'm kiasu that way :)

We really will...

Oh crap.

I love my new layout.

Just because, I made the thingy above. Take a look :)

On a more solemn note,

This morning, I woke up and saw that I got a message from Faisal. It was sent bout 3 hours before (around 6.15) and it read;

My dad gave me four options:

a) Come back to Malaysia and do medic in Malaysia

b) Come back to Malaysia and change course

c) Come back to Malaysia and prove to him that I can take care of myself and continue again next year.

It stunned me.
Literally.

But we were still in good spirits, cause option C was still an option, and that means we still get to see Faisal again, eventhough he'll be in a different semester.

After visiting Faisal at the hospital where he was diagnosed with typhoid fever (seriously, can you cut him some slack?), Faisal went up with his parents house in Block D while we had lunch in GMN.

About a couple of hours later, Faisal came down, still obviously drowsy from his medication and fever (whopping 41 C, can I get a WTF?).

We sat around Faisal and he asked for a piece of paper. I stared down at him while he started scribbling, him obviously tearing up and me waiting patiently for the news.

He wrote on ...

Take care of each other for now and for the following years nanti because I won't be here

We went on a tear and note-passing frenzy after that.

Imagine that, us not saying anything, just passing notes to Faisal

and crying.

I thought it was HORRIFYING.

I swear I look like a puffer fish right now, but red like a salmon.

Haha, a Salffer fish.

Anyway,

That was what happened. Boys started coming in and out to see Faisal, while the five of us (Baby, Yuya, Pika. Titi and I) were crying like banshees at the back.

We kept on repeating

Who's gonna be our rock after this?

Who's gonna be there when somebody breaks my heart again?

Who's gonna accompany us to Alexandria and Cairo?

We're not gonna need an extra chair anymore...

I'm tearing up while I write this.

Gosh.

All the best to Arif and the boys who's gonna try to persuade his parents to let him stay.

I don't want you to go Faisal...

happy mother's day

I've read through a couple of blogs and found that many have dedicated an entry to their mothers in conjuction with mothers day.

I would like to think that I think of my mother everyday and not just to comemorate her over some stinking day.

But being the kiasu person that I am, I've decided to do one as well :)

This is my mum (and our annoyed cat)



Her name is Zaimah Abu Bakar, or Dr Zaimah Abu Bakar.
Yeah, first impressions are almost never true.

Anyway, she's 46 and she's a doctor. Again, almost unlikely eh?
She once said to me

"I dunno la girl, I also dunno how I became a doctor"

And when I agree, she gets mad.
Pfft.
Try to be a good daughter and this is what you get.

When I was younger, I liked to hear stories about how she use to travel through Penang in her Kapcai motorcycle during her medical school days, trying out the the stalls in Gurney Drive, going to clubs after exams and movie hopping without paying (yes, USM doctors endorse piracy).

It was the life I wanted for myself.

The stories I loved the most were the ones during her houseman days, where she encountered numerous patients with the most unconventional of diseases and conditions (there was one she had to perform a simple operation on a fellow colleagues brother in law to find out that this patient of hers had enlarging equipment attachment to his penis)

So yeah, awesome or what?

So despite, all her shortcomings

• she mispronouces career as carrier, maim as mime, gnome as genome and bestow as best-tau
• whatever monetary issues brought to her will be ended with 'go ask your daddy'
• she treats my Fatboy like crap and her Bally (pictured above) like a king
• she can't stop lecturing me on how I drive, every single time

All I want to say is,

I love you mummy

and I can't wait to come home.

Happy Mother's Day.

Tags Galore!

Tagged by my housemate, Picka.

It's been such a long time since I've done one of these things.

Anything to digress from studying :)

Name 5 people you can think of right of the top of your head.

Don't read the questions until you write the names of the 5 people.

No cheating please!

Picka

Faisal

Fikri

Baby

Yuya

Reminder : Don't read ahead unless you fill above names first.:

How do you meet 1?

She came to the house, ringing the doorbell incessantly. My choices were either to open the door or shoot through the door with a gun. (for ruining my prayer time :P)

How long have you known 4?

About 8 months, she's my housemate and Jiggle buddy :)

.

How do you know number 3?

It's like knowing the tall, intimidating looking serial killer in your neighbourhood.

Where's 5?

In MY room. Sleeping in MY bed. Underneath MY lihaf while I'm freezing my ass off in the living room. Okay-lah, I'm just not sleepy yet and kinda lazy to get up to get a sweater.


A fact about number 1?

Oh Picka. Hmmm, she's has Siamese blood. We always bring it up when comparing butts.

Like how we've got none.

Who is no 4 going out with?

Right now, it's complicated

Would you live with number 3?

It's okay, I'm scared of being "direjam batu"

What do you like about no 2?

I think somewhat, he's my rock here in Mansoura, besides my housemates. He's always there for support, even if at times I just want to slap him. And he just got back from the hospital... I think there are laws about injuring already sick people.

Do you miss number 5?

She's sleeping in my bed. I should go take advantage of her

Would you make out with number 4?

DID I TELL YOU SHE WANTED TO???

What's your opinion of number 2?

Cai...

He's awesome.

What is your fav memory with number 5?

There was this one time where she was like...

"NAK KENTUT"

and she stepped out of the room, like just outside the room, unleashed her demon.

and stepped back in,

WITHOUT closing the door.

Let's just say, a gas mask would've been perfect at the time.

What would you do if number 1 going out with number 2?

Go ballistic of course. But most probably buy popcorn and enjoy the show of number 2's girlfriend who may look small come hunting down for number 1 :)

How often do you talk to number 1?

Pfft, more like everyday friggin' day. Kalau tak cakap, problematic namanye. That's the job of another housemate :)

Have you ever thought 3 more than a friend?

A sadist... does that make him less or more than a friend?

May be you want to go out for a date with number 5?

No thanks, I enjoy my share of testosterone producers

What did number 4 did to you that you never forget?

There were PLENTY. But one really funny one was when didn't close the door when she went to the toilet *cause she said she was scared that I told too many ghost stories at night* and then, I sneaked a camera into the toilet and took a picture.

Don't worry, all evidence were procededly destroyed.

who do you want to tag :

Baby, Yuya, Pika (I think she did hers already), Fikri, Yana, and whoever who has a blog that's updated regularly :)

PCM has finally taken it's toll on me.

Reprieve

We carve our mark,

Within the tattered soil,

Within the glimmering stars,

Like ancient footprints upon churned earth,

We mark history,

With dreams of glory,

That will emanate within our midst,

Like flickering amber in a barren oblivion

We pave our path,

Our fingers feebled and limp,

Caressing the thorns of seduction,

And yet lapping the ecstacy of denial

We lift our hands to heaven,

And close our eyes to pray,

And in the darkness of our blindness,

We find a calm, a reprieve so complete.

by Nazeera Nasir

I was feeling rather spiritual today.

This poem is about spirituality actually, leaning towards a power of prayer.

It describes the harshness of humanity, our maturity, our evolution and our constant need to achieve something better for ourselves. All this pressure, even the strongest of man would eventually be subdued by it.

We all should have a place of solace.

Some go on the internet, some blog (yeah, shut up), some even turn to immorality for some comfort from their disdaining life.

But why overlook the power of prayer?

Yes, to talk about religion in this day of age is pretty much social suicide for ANY age group, may you be in your teens or a tobacco spitting 60 year old, religion has always been a taboo subject to talk about.

A moment, even if short, with God is how a prayer should be like.

It's like you're having your own personal time with God and He has created you from scratch, literally from scratch.

or soil...

Whatever...

But He is your Creator nevertheless.

The Man Himself

A prayer, if done with honesty and is fully embodied and embraced,

I can only describe it as...

A calm,

Like when you're floating on air, and not worrying you'll hit the ground

It's beautiful really.

It's almost...

Ecstacy.

He's out :)

Faisal's been discharged from the hospital.

Today.

Ah, words cannot describe the absolute elation I feel to know that he's finally going to be on his feet in no time.

No more fluid filled vesicles on his face

No more spilled diluted blood on the floor

No more carrying the IV everywhere he goes

and most importantly

NO MORE SCREAMS OF PAIN

The first time I heard Faisal cry out was on the phone. He literally screamed, with all his might, with all torture infused in those cries.

My heart dropped.

Naturally, I thought of the worst case scenarios, cancer, stroke and other crap that pessimistic people are suppose to think.

But when the diagnosis came (after referring to several doctors mind you), it hit me like tumbling rocks.

Sinus thrombosis and infection from herpes zoster

or more in layman's term, a clot in the sinus area just behind his eye and shingles.

That was what had caused the pain, and I think I cried the first time Faisal was admitted into the hospital.

Do you know that feeling of being totally unhelpful, borderline useless?

Yes, that was EXACTLY what I felt at the time.

A mere first year medical student, who's barely passing her exams, trying to help her friend who could die.

It loomed over me for days.

So yeah, glad to have you back Cai.

And thanks so much for the several days of "belanja-ing"

Money's really low, so thanks again :)