Saturday, April 10, 2010

Me, a guy? Totally, Utterly... Possible.

An absolutely absurd thought crossed my mind today. If it not were for the obvious female body parts...

I could EASILY pass for guy.

I'm serious.

First of all, I'm not thinking of a sex change or anything.

Cool if that happened though? Man, this blog would be a hit!

Memoirs of a Hijabi Transvestite. I can see the moolah now.

Back to the point, one of the the most obvious things is that I actually really really like football. I mean, I would dive in head first in a mosh pit in Old Trafford, any time baby.

That's how much I love football, people.

Yes, I don't watch all the matches, but hey, the only reason why I don't is because I have my studies to think about. And the fact, I'm such a bitch when watching a match.

I would literally whimper if the game doesn't go well.

You know that that twist of the gut feeling you get when you know something's bad about to happen? Yes, THAT happens to me each time I watch Manchester United playing like shit. And they often play like shit, like they're doing the damn job for free. I swear, if you're being paid like a corrupted minister, make a damn effort for God's sake! Sheesh.

Anyway, second, about expressing your feelings.

God, I hate gushing.

Period.

It's not that I'm heartless, but I don't really hate using the words "hurts", "so much" or "cry" in the same sentence. Oh no, doesn't mean I never went through the whole heartbreak phase. Of course I did. I am a teenager after all.

But to moan and groan about it to another person, wanting his/her sympathy? Oh my god, I rather bleed internally.

I mean, I'd like to think my problems are mine to solve. Burdening it onto others would not only make things worst, it'll probably piss that person off, cause you know, they don't too don't want your bull ruining their day. Yes, friends are there to help you through the day, but hey, everybody has their limits. And I for once, am not gonna be the unlucky dumbass pushing those limits.

Third is, chick lits.

Now, this is problem that I think everyone should consider a global problem, put it up there along with the Al Qaeda and world hunger.

Why does ANYONE buy/read chick lits? Why does anyone with a single, functioning brain cell read chick lits? Why do you want to jeopardize your IQ and every useful information in your brain by the reading the absolute filth of literature? Absolute bottom of the lot? God knows.

I bought this one book once called Wives and Girlfriends by Katie Agnew in Heathrow airport, hoping for a light read on the plane. Not only was the novel disgustingly camp and trivial, it was a chance for a faux celebutante to flaunt the excessive, unbelievable lifestyle in the faces of many, hoping for a quick buck from this blatant brandishing of so-called opulence. I for one, honey, am not buying it.

The book was almost as bad as the Twilight series. She kept reusing the same phrases again and again like "chocolate brown" and "velvety smooth" to describe things. Sounds like a Peter and Jane Introduction to English book if you ask me.

Argh, I should finish ranting about this quickly before I go absolutely mad and might go on shooting rampage.

Last but not least, is my far from feminine behaviour.

Unless you're absolutely blind, illiterate or just in constant denial, as you can see, I swear, a lot. I know it suppose to be "cool" to swear like a sailor but deep down, I'd really want to stop this unhealthy habit.

I would like to express my feelings in the most simple, holistic ways and since not all of us like reading big words and quickly googling them, I use common vulgarity to articulate what I feel. Particularly when that feeling is a fiery, agitated one.

I'm loud, assertive, rarely indecisive, headstrong and have less than 10 pairs of shoes.

I don't like walks in the rain, I don't like flowers *they die for Pete's sake!*, chocolates are only meant to be bought by me and eaten quietly like a criminal enjoying their last meal, I like wearing pants and I do threaten anyone remotely annoying with physical violence.

Don't I sound like a catch?

1 comment:

asyraf hanafi said...

haha.love your ranting. ;))